


Deadly

by brainoverdriving (orphan_account)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 03:28:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13604598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/brainoverdriving
Summary: The first petal was his punishment for loving him and the last one was his savior.





	Deadly

Red roses, pink roses, blue roses, purple roses, white roses, yellow roses, black roses, so many roses existed and Sehun knew about them because he spat them out every morning, every evening, every day and he knew that he had to blame only himself for this. 

Falling in love with Jongin was too late now and Sehun wondered that maybe when Jongin wanted him in the same way, maybe then things could have been different. When Jongin was in love with him, when Jongin had hearts in his eyes and affection ready to step over mountains and give everything for Sehun, Sehun was still a child, a child in a man body. They were still young, barely sixteen years old and Sehun knew that love existed but he didn’t know that someone would fall for him so early, that someone was going to suffer because of him.

Jongin and Chanyeol had been by his side since they were babies. Sehun had never expected their friendship to grow to something stronger, something which could lead to beautiful but deadly flowers to grow inside their chests. Jongin had fallen for Sehun and Chanyeol had fallen for Jongin and Sehun had fallen for no one and so he never understood. He had never understood why Chanyeol was trying to pull Jongin closer and why Jongin tried to lean on Sehun so much. When he asked, neither told him anything and Sehun never pushed the topic. He had never understood that being closer to the one you love, taking the affection you could get would lessen the pain, would slow the death, would give you more time to decide if you were ready to let go or you were ready to fight for it.

Jongin loved Sehun for one year before he walked into the hospital one day and then walked out of his life until years later. When Sehun asked what had happened and why Jongin stopped picking up his calls, someone told him that Jongin had fallen in love with Sehun, he had tried his best and he started spitting petals because Sehun had never loved him back and Jongin decided to choose the life over Sehun and he needed to be away from Sehun in order to get better. Chanyeol left his life too, he was in love with Jongin but Baekhyun walked into their life and Chanyeol decided to fight for Baekhyun instead of Jongin and he lived without the operation, without taking a part of himself in order to forget Jongin. 

Sehun wondered if he knew, maybe he could do something. He had always loved Jongin, he loved him as a friend, as a brother, he was sure he could love him as a lover too if only he had been given the chance to and Jongin decided that taking his choice away from him would be for the better. When they met again, they were twenty three and working in the same company, different positions but the same department and Jongin introduced Jimin to Sehun and told him that they had been together for three years and Sehun was happy for them, he really was. He got close to Jimin despite both of them being so different from each other but Sehun tried because he liked Jimin, he was good guy, he made Jongin smile as he had never done before while he was in Sehun’s life. 

Sehun never understood why he spat that petal when they were on a dinner together and Seulgi was the one who saw it. She got worried and was ready to walk back into the restaurant to call for Jongin, but Sehun stopped her, leaned on her and took another gulp of his cigarette, they were out to smoke and Sehun didn’t want to worry anyone. When Seulgi cupped his face and asked him if he was okay, he nodded but he coughed and another petal came out. She took it and patted it as if it was something precious.

“Don’t let me die.” He told her then and she embraced him. She was Jongin’s and Jimin’s friend but she then became his fighter, his ally and his only wall he could lean on. He was alone and she was there to make him feel as if he was accepted. 

“Do you want me to come with you when you are ready?” Sehun nodded and both of them walked back with a smile on their faces, Sehun had his arm on Seulgi’s shoulders because his legs still felt weak and her arm was around his waist. The introduced themselves as the new couple in the group and Jongin was happy for them, Jimin cried because he didn’t expect it and Sehun winked at Seulgi when she looked so close to speaking up but she shook her head and stayed quiet. No one had to know, not now when Jongin was happy and loved, not now when Jimin was the sunshine everyone needed in their life.

Sehun didn’t want to be the cloud stopping the sun. Sehun didn’t want Jongin to look tired and pale and gloomy and smiling as if he was going to cry. Sehun didn’t want to push the doors of the coffee shop the four of them had morning coffee into before going to their job and make them all feel like he was going to break and he didn’t want to make Jongin feel guilty for choosing to not tell him when he had the chance.

“Do you by any chance love the person who once loved you?” the doctor asked with a frown, Seulgi was holding Sehun's hand and had her other hand on her mouth. 

“Yes.” He replied because he didn’t want to lie and he expected the doctor’s words.

“I shall take a guess they did not tell you about their feelings towards you and had taken the procedure in order to live.” Sehun nodded. “Son, let me tell you this like a father of a boy who was taken away from this world just like you, try to be as close to them, try to make sure that you can live for longer. I know people who managed to live for twenty years while being close to the person they loved and their petals were less. You’re too young to let the love take you away from this world.”

“Is there no hope for him? Maybe a small cut to lessen the flowers growing inside him?” Seulgi asked with shaky voice and eyes full of tears but the doctor shook his head, took off his glasses and leaned down on the chair.

“There are no flowers growing inside him, we can open him up but we will not take anything away or stop it because the flowers were inside the person who had loved him once. If they had not met again, maybe Sehun could live without noticing but their love was real, it was simply never shared in the right time. I’m sorry, son, just try to be close to them. Tell them.”

He couldn’t tell, so instead of being close to Jongin, Sehun was close to Seulgi and she embraced him with all the love which Sehun craved and he hoped that he could live with it. And he lived, he loved Seulgi but he loved Jongin more and Jongin loved only Jimin. Sehun tried avoiding Jongin’s embraces, he tried avoiding sitting next to Jongin because he was scared that he would try to indulge himself into the warmth which Jongin gave him and he would crave for more. He was going to die, he might live for twenty more years but one day Jongin would be away from him and Sehun being dependant on Jongin would cough and he was going to die alone and cold. Now he was going to die but he wasn’t going to be alone, Seulgi was there, Seulgi gave him food, she checked on him, she lived with him and she took every petal, dirty from the blood, she cleaned them and put them into big jars. When Sehun asked, she said they were beautiful.

The petals weren’t dying, Sehun noticed this when he saw a jar full of them and it was three months old. He wondered if they were going to die when he died. Maybe. He wondered if Seulgi saved them for something he was never going to know. Maybe. When she saw him looking at them, she circled her arms around his waist and put her forehead on his back. They loved each other, but not in the way either of them could live. Seulgi loved him but she wasn’t in love, she was told she could never fall in love. Sehun loved her, but he was in love with Jongin and he was going to die. So Sehun put his palms over her hands and squeezed them, she wanted to tell him something and he wanted to wait.

“Would you hate me if I do something cruel one day and hurt the one you love?” Seulgi spoke quietly and her question already breaking her own heart and Sehun chuckled. 

“Would you do it when I am gone?” he asked and tried to turn around but she stopped him, stubbornly waiting for his reply. But she still nodded and this was what Sehun wanted. “I will not, I cannot hate the person that gives me the love I need.”

“I love you.” She kissed his back and let go, walking away and Sehun looked down at the petals before he turned around and looked at the way Seulgi walked away.

“I wish I could fall for you.” He said to the air and turned back to look at his petals. “And how much I hate you.” He told them and walked away, he wanted to embrace Seulgi and watch a movie with her, Jimin and Jongin were on a date too. Sehun wanted his own date and Seulgi fell asleep on his chest with a lollipop in her mouth. Sehun brought her to bed and made his alarm for tomorrow morning so that he could prepare her breakfast.

Unfortunately the morning never came. Jongin and Jimin had decided at the last moment to take a sudden vacation and leave for Japan. Sehun got the text at one in the morning and he was happy, he was glad, he knew he would wake up tomorrow and would laugh with Seulgi. Jongin had gone away before that too but Seulgi was next to him and Sehun was fine. He was fine, until he wasn’t anymore. 

It was four at the morning when Sehun woke up because he couldn’t breathe. He could do anything, tried to stand up from the bed and call Seulgi but his voice didn’t come out and his mouth didn’t take the enough amount of air for him to not feel dizzy. Sehun had fallen on his knees then, too weak to walk and his chest felt too full despite the lack of air and Sehun put two fingers inside his mouth, if he threw some away he was going to be better. If only he could, he pushed the fingers as deep as he could, he tried and tried until he got two petals from his throat and soon after the petals never stopped coming out. He was throwing them up, no longer coughing them, and they were coming out some were too dark, almost dead, others were with blood and some were clean.

Sehun still couldn’t breathe, but he kept on living for a while. His mouth was opened, the petals made a pool around him, he cried and begged for whoever could hear him to let him live until the morning, he wanted to make Seulgi a breakfast, he wanted to make her bear pancakes, the one she teased him about, saying that he would never do it. And he tried to breathe but every time he tries his body shook and more petals came out so he stopped fighting it. He wasn’t sure for how long he was on his knees, without air in his lungs, but surrounded by sea of petals. Suddenly they stopped, just like his heart was barely beating and Sehun fell on the side, too weak to try and fight. Too weak to do anything but cough one last time and the last petal was peach colored rose petal. Seulgi.

She had told him that she could never fall in love because she was never meant to live and she had taken her mother’s life. While having her, Seulgi’s mother was coughing peach colored petals, these were Seulgi’s color. She never explained why she could never fall in love, but Sehun had noticed how Seulgi was always taking away these petals from Sehun and was throwing them away but kept all the others. This one, however, Sehun took it in his palm and embraced it towards his chest and he wished that Seulgi wouldn’t cry a lot. He hoped that Jimin and Jongin would be happy on their trip. He hoped that Seulgi would fall in love, she deserved it. And just like this, Sehun took his last gulp of air and he felt lighter, happier and loved, the darkness embraced him but he was gone with a smile.

He couldn’t see the way Seulgi cried when she saw her petal in his palm. He couldn’t see how she took the brightest petals and put them in a jar. He couldn’t see how Seulgi did everything for his funeral and Jongin and Jimin didn’t even know about it because she knew Sehun wanted them to be happy. They were going to know when they were back. 

He didn’t have to see the way Seulgi brought the jars of petals to Jongin’s flat. The petals never died, they weren’t going to die because Jongin was living. Jimin opened the door, they had just come back and they still didn’t know anything. Seulgi asked for Jongin and Jimin called him to come, confused and staying a few steps back. Seulgi opened the big suitcase full with the petals and pushed them towards Jongin, a sad smile on her face.

“These are yours.” She said and took the last jar with the brightest petals. “He’s gone and he loved you. I will take this one with me because these were the petals that came while I was next to him, so I’m selfish, but everything else is yours.”

“No, no…” Jongin was shocked, he didn’t know how to react and Jimin was a few steps back, holding back his cries. 

“I’m happy that Sehun wouldn’t be here to hear me saying this, but Jongin, you were unconsciously so selfish that you took away Sehun’s chance of being your lover because you were so scared of dying. Yet, he died for you. I hope you are happy with your life because you own him. Jongin, Jimin, I hope you are happy.”

With this she walked away, never looking back because she had done her job, she had taken her small revenge and she was going to live too because this was what Sehun wished. So neither she nor Sehun, saw how Jongin broke down, embracing the petals and pushing Jimin’s hand away because he wanted to let the sorrow embrace him. And neither of them knew how Jongin’s life turned out to be after that. Was he living, was he loving, was he mourning? They did know. They did not care. All they knew though was that it was Jimin who brought roses to Sehun’s grave and he was the one who brought the small teddy bears which Seulgi was taking with her.

No one knew who was deadlier, Jongin and his desire to live or Sehun and his sacrifice. No one knew if Jongin was going to live if he had told Sehun, but no one knew since when Sehun loved Jongin either. They only knew that this was deadly. Their love was deadly.


End file.
